Well, I turned 38 this week. T minus 2 years. When I was a kid, I thought: “I’ll bet by the time I’m 40 I’ll be a mom and will have written a book.”
I have five year old twin boys. And I’ve written a lot. Nothing published yet and only a few things finished. The short stuff. So I think I’m on track. But I’ve come to the conclusion that nothing of any consequence will come to fruition - making the most of my writing and music skills, enjoying and educating my boys, growing an epic garden, etc. - until I’ve fully shed my American-born need to constantly consume. Like taking off the clothes you’ve been living in for four days while recovering from the flu.
When I turned 35, I knew I had to start changing those clothes. What was I using my kid-free time for? For creating something? No, I was wandering around Target. Thinking coffee and a bag of new things would help. With what, I’m not sure.
This week it hit me that my consumption habits were still there. Not with my free time anymore, but with my need to consume information. How do I homeschool? How do I parent? How do I write? How do I learn a second language efficiently? How do I garden? How do I sing better? How do I do this or that? Oooh, her Ted Talk, her show, his opinion, their experiences…all of it is so interesting!
Of course it is. Life and people are fascinating! But God only knows how much time I have here, and am I really doing and creating what I was designed to? If I’m honest, not really. Why?
I’m too busy consuming. I’m tempted to delete my blog, my Instagram account, because who cares? I have a real life to attend to. Real people. And more than enough info that simply needs…meditating on so I know how and where to apply it.
But I thought maybe, just possibly, it would be helpful to share my thoughts and experiments with trading my old, worn out consumption clothes for simply being present in this season, with the people around me, and with what I already have.
And then, hopefully, putting on some new clothes - some GIVING clothes - in my own style, will be as second nature as consuming used to be.
So what do you say? Are you with me?